This is an email I get from Bright House each month…

Dear KEVIN FAIRCHILD,

Your Bright House Networks online statement is now available.

Michigan customers, view your statement online at http://webcare.michigan.brighthouse.com
For immediate closed captioning concerns, please call 1-866-898-9101. Written complaints may be mailed to L. Byrd, Closed Captioning Coordinator, Bright House Networks, 14525 Farmington Rd., Livonia, MI 48154 or by Fax (734)437-3338 or email to Michigan.ClosedCaptioning@mybrighthouse.com.

Tampa Bay customers, view your statement online at http://webcare.tampabay.brighthouse.com
For immediate closed captioning concerns, please call 1-888-289-8988. Written concerns may be mailed to D. Morgan, Closed Captioning Coordinator, Bright House Networks, 1004 U.S. Highway 92 West, Auburndale, FL, 33823 or by Fax (863)288-2229 or email to tampabay.closedcaptioning@mybrighthouse.com.

I can almost forgive the whole putting-the-name-all-in-uppercase thing… but it cracks me up that they include information for two very different areas like this.

A few immediate questions come to mind…

First, they KNOW where I am. They know I’m served by their Tampa offices, so why not just provide me with relevant contact information? If I ever needed to look up the number for their Michigan office, I’d Google it.

Secondly, are they really only in two markets — Michigan and Tampa? That doesn’t exactly make me feel like I’m dealing with a large trustworthy company… Even if they are limited to those two areas, they should at least give the impression of having broader coverage. Besides, why is one a city and the other a state…?

Lastly, assuming they are in only those markets, what are they going to do if they expand? What’s next, including contact information for Hoboken and Timbuktu customers?

It’s even weirder when I go to the main Bright House Networks website. When I click “Pay My Bill”, I have to enter my zipcode — to see if service is available in my area. Wait, what…? If someone is paying a bill you sent them, I sure as heck hope there is service in their area… And, again, if I’m going to be logging in anyhow, it should be able to determine my location based off of that, anyhow…

Once I am logged in and ready to pay my bill, the sidebar on the left shows “michigan – contact us” and “tampa bay – contact us”. Ouch. Looks like they went from capitalizing everything in my name to leaving everything on their menu lowercase. How often does a Tampa Bay customer need to contact Michigan or vice-versa? Why is this even here???

As I navigated around the site a bit, I did find something that answered my question about service areas. According to the site, they serve the following markets:

Tampa Bay and Orlando, Florida; Bakersfield, California; Indianapolis, Indiana; Detroit, Michigan; and Birmingham, Alabama; along with several other smaller regions in Alabama and the Florida Panhandle

Now I’m even more confused. What does someone in Birmingham see when they get emailed from Bright House…? Do they see a listing for Tampa Bay and Michigan like I do or do they see, Birmingham and — say — Indiana. And now that I’m thinking of it, why don’t I get something a bit more realistic, like maybe Tampa Bay and Orlando?

This just seems like one big “developer fail”…